Ex-Panic Sufferer

[D]

Hi All,

Just a quick note of hope for anyone out there suffering from chronic
panic or anxiety... even those who don't want to medicate.

I started having panic attacks at the age of 16 - induced by my social
environment (had a pretty weird, occasionally aggressive and lonely
upbringing), and drug use. As you all know, the viscious circle of the
disorder kept me under the thumb for years. I could never complete
anything that I started, even leaving univerity early and losing two
well paid jobs. I spent years sat in my 'safe space', focusing on
nothing other than subsiding the anxiety and keeping myself occupied
with mundane tasks to keep my head from spinning out of control and
into a panic attack.

Things became so bad that I started to acquire other symptoms -
obsessiveness, agrophobia, claustrophobia etc - all symptoms of an
unusually long time suffering from the disorder.

I decided against medication - every time I saw a doctor the only
advice I got was 'take seroxat'. I was against drug use to combat
something partially developed through drug use. One doc also sent me
to councelling, which I found to be an enormous waste of time as I
couldn't possibly understand how someone who had no deep insight into
me (which can only be developed over a very long time spent in many
different situations) could advise me on my life and issues (i'm a
stubborn swine...)

I even tried 'alternative' therapy - again without results.

I became extremely despondant, and as the years passed I resigned
myself to the fact that 'this is as good as it gets'. I'm sure most of
you can understand this way of thinking.

I am now 29, coming on to the big 30 - and I have not had a panic
attack in the last 2 years. Sure, I have felt anxiety and what could
be considered the onset of panic - but I understand that what I now
feel is no different from the average person. Everybody has anxious
moments. Everybody.

But the secret for me was persistance and keeping going - always
telling myself that it would get better...

I rationalised the fear. I asked myself: "what is the worst that could
happen?". For example, If I was in a crowd and I felt panic come, I
would ask "what will happen if I have a panic attack? Will I die? Will
people hate me? Will I look foolish?" the answeres to those questions
were: "No, I will not die... In fact the adrenaline in my system will
boost my strength, my awareness and my circulation... Not one person
has ever died from a panic attack EVER - fact" "No-one will hate me,
in fact, most people won't even notice that there is anything wrong. I
can leave anytime I like. I have legs, and a voice if people get in my
way. I am in control of everything I do. The worst that can happen is
that I'm not going to be involved in whatever is going on -and I can
live with that!" "No, I won't look foolish. Again, I doubt anyone will
notice - and if they do, I could be leaving for any reason. No-one
will care a jot!"

This rationalistaion was a big step forward for me. For the first time
it dawned on me that panic attacks were a result of a battle with
myself - not a battle with the outside world. And as I am in control
of me - it was a battle I could win. I even taunted myself into
bringing panic on - to prove to myself that I could make it go just as
easy.

So, to sum up - Don't lose hope. Keep strong and make yourself realise
that it is you that has the power to stop this. Support from friends,
family and even doctors can give you a firm, helping hand towards this
goal - but focus on yourself and the fantastic, wonderful, strong and
individual person that you are. You can do this. You really can. I
did.

Good luck to you all. Please, please don't give up hope ;)

Darren Ball.

[Mary]

Hi Darren, good that you found a way to deal with your anxiety. some
people need medication in order to deal with it and others do Cognitive
behaviour therapy, which is much the same concept as what is working for
you. I myself do my own version of CBT and it is helpful to me some of
the time. I also read E. Bourne's book "Phobia and Anxiety workbook" and
it is very good and has helped. I don't do the workbook part, but I have
read most of the book which gave me an understanding as to what anxiety
is and various ways to handle it. There is no one way for everybody.
People are very different and different things work or don't work for
different people. I do what is best for me and what works for me. Others
go their own route and do what works for them.
best wishes.

Mary

Post by D
Hi All,
Just a quick note of hope for anyone out there suffering from chronic
panic or anxiety... even those who don't want to medicate.
I started having panic attacks at the age of 16 - induced by my social
environment (had a pretty weird, occasionally aggressive and lonely
upbringing), and drug use. As you all know, the viscious circle of the
disorder kept me under the thumb for years. I could never complete
anything that I started, even leaving univerity early and losing two
well paid jobs. I spent years sat in my 'safe space', focusing on
nothing other than subsiding the anxiety and keeping myself occupied
with mundane tasks to keep my head from spinning out of control and
into a panic attack.
Things became so bad that I started to acquire other symptoms -
obsessiveness, agrophobia, claustrophobia etc - all symptoms of an
unusually long time suffering from the disorder.
I decided against medication - every time I saw a doctor the only
advice I got was 'take seroxat'. I was against drug use to combat
something partially developed through drug use. One doc also sent me
to councelling, which I found to be an enormous waste of time as I
couldn't possibly understand how someone who had no deep insight into
me (which can only be developed over a very long time spent in many
different situations) could advise me on my life and issues (i'm a
stubborn swine...)
I even tried 'alternative' therapy - again without results.
I became extremely despondant, and as the years passed I resigned
myself to the fact that 'this is as good as it gets'. I'm sure most of
you can understand this way of thinking.
I am now 29, coming on to the big 30 - and I have not had a panic
attack in the last 2 years. Sure, I have felt anxiety and what could
be considered the onset of panic - but I understand that what I now
feel is no different from the average person. Everybody has anxious
moments. Everybody.
But the secret for me was persistance and keeping going - always
telling myself that it would get better...
I rationalised the fear. I asked myself: "what is the worst that could
happen?". For example, If I was in a crowd and I felt panic come, I
would ask "what will happen if I have a panic attack? Will I die? Will
people hate me? Will I look foolish?" the answeres to those questions
were: "No, I will not die... In fact the adrenaline in my system will
boost my strength, my awareness and my circulation... Not one person
has ever died from a panic attack EVER - fact" "No-one will hate me,
in fact, most people won't even notice that there is anything wrong. I
can leave anytime I like. I have legs, and a voice if people get in my
way. I am in control of everything I do. The worst that can happen is
that I'm not going to be involved in whatever is going on -and I can
live with that!" "No, I won't look foolish. Again, I doubt anyone will
notice - and if they do, I could be leaving for any reason. No-one
will care a jot!"
This rationalistaion was a big step forward for me. For the first time
it dawned on me that panic attacks were a result of a battle with
myself - not a battle with the outside world. And as I am in control
of me - it was a battle I could win. I even taunted myself into
bringing panic on - to prove to myself that I could make it go just as
easy.
So, to sum up - Don't lose hope. Keep strong and make yourself realise
that it is you that has the power to stop this. Support from friends,
family and even doctors can give you a firm, helping hand towards this
goal - but focus on yourself and the fantastic, wonderful, strong and
individual person that you are. You can do this. You really can. I
did.
Good luck to you all. Please, please don't give up hope ;)
Darren Ball.